mondamy: October 2011

Lauren and I are going to meet Jared for a drink on Malibongwe Drive in Johannesburg I am driving a scooter that isn’t mine my legs side-saddle Lauren is facing me bunched up in the limited frontal space of the scooter so that we are almost hugging. Lauren is directing us with her iPhone holding it up to her face her smile is large and talking all the while which presents somewhat of an obstruction as I fumble and reach around to grasp at the handlebars. In particularly lovely moods both of us we continue down indefinite roads that I do not recognise past dark facades empty warehouses smoke-filled air with not a soul in sight. We turn down one particularly shady concrete strip that ends with unlit vagueness and I decide then to sit properly struggling my legs past her legs attempting to change gears – I haven’t been changing gears this whole time??! – I try to put on the headlight flipping gears levers. I tell Lauren it would be best to stop so I slow to an end figuring out how to click the faint yellow headlight on just in time to see that we have stopped thirty cm away from a crevasse the concrete road cracked and crumbling and petering off into an absolute abyss of black night.

Shocked we laugh turn to find our way to civilisation and we are no longer in monochrome space but in a parking lot filled with cars and young people packing up tents in fast forward motion one or two folds laughing blond heads. The parking lot belongs to an old style flat rectangular building resembling a clubhouse from the eighties white-framed windows and drab paint. The young people are friendly rambunctious proper Southern Joburgers who are up for drinking smoking sex drugs little sleep not much effort-required conversation. Lauren immediately gets talking to one handsome guy who is the friendliest of the lot shaggy haired beer-drinking while I wander over to my car smiling shaking my head thinking what a crazy story I am at my door with keys in hand when a tall tall white-barked tree with flailing green leaves thunders down not four metres away I am shocked my mouth drops I hear before I see an older guy with sitcom hair yelling out hi-de-ho about a hundred metres away standing out bold in a cluster of people. Before I say anything another huge tree different more leafy crashes not far away from the first and I see they are cutting them down all around. I think we should leave I get into my car wait patiently Lauren jumps in soon enough with the shaggy-haired man’s number and a smile she is happy. I smile back my smile feels large different lovely on my face I try to navigate my way out of the parking lot away from the crashing trees I inch forward back forward back around but we are very much parked in there is no way out.

We give up respond to an invitation from the shaggy-haired man walk away from the lot down some stairs to sit on the street of Malibongwe Drive but it’s not Malibongwe Drive not really and Jared has found us! I feel comfortable and secure I slide down the glass wall of a closed store to sit with my knees up on the pavement that is not a pavement and not a street but much like a tiny thin little street in a European country. People are talking a group of boys are about to roll some marijuana I see large white paper one of them asks everyone who would like some to put up their hands which I think quite sensible and very friendly. Jared says this place has beer let's stay! we all walk back up to the parking lot it has some shade now in the form of awnings a wooden picnic table and the group of people seems to have grown in size they are constantly streaming everywhere back forth around in front of next to behind me like ants moving moving moving quickly quickly quickly all non-descript until up close. I stand next to a girl with dark hair twisted on top of her head it is dyed grey in some places orange-blond in others while Lauren runs to places I don’t know where. This girl lights the joint I watch her smoke three-quarters of it herself and I am more amazed than impatient there are so many people who want some strange that she would do that but who am I to question when it finally comes to me I take two light puffs hand it over.

I am in a circle of people then sitting at the picnic table leaning back slightly a faded green covered foam mattress lies flat behind me I don’t look back but I know it’s there in line with the bench I sit on. My eyes are closed people are talking I am blissed out I hear nothing but the indistinct hum of conversation. Softly suddenly there is the back of a women’s hand lightly pressed against the side of my face which I only now realise is flushed and warm. It is cool wonderful I sink into the feeling the hand moves lightly up my cheekbone her fingertips slim beautiful the bend of her knuckles slight wondrous and cool so cool. Her standing presence radiates beside me I feel her move I feel her move closer lean down bend her head closer to mine I picture her hair fall forward over her shoulder over her face all I want to do is look at her but my eyelids are heavy too too heavy no matter how much I try I cannot open them. Her face is then in front of mine I can feel her breath mix with my breath and I know what she is going to do so why isn’t she doing it yet I want it so I lean forward eyes closed press her mouth with mine now she is pressing back harder and we tumble fall slowly slowly as if in slow motion onto the mattress behind me and her hair is drifting I can feel it in slow motion frozen in time and in the infinite seconds before I hit the foam my eyes open and it is glorious.

Then we are back sitting at the picnic table she is to my right I can see her auburn hair black pants a face I cannot describe beautiful lovely without in any way presumptuous with eyes that gaze at me knowing the small upturned corners of her mouth. A guy across the table hands her something and she presses three large round pills into my palm with a smile they look like strong multivitamins dark green and mottled when I ask her what they are she laughs replies with I don’t know. I want to take them but I know that I am driving and not knowing what they are worries me so I start getting up from the table thinking I look so awkward not sexy at all I say that I’m going inside to get some water to take them with. No no she gestures me down you don’t need water you can take them as they are it’s easy but I insist because the water is just pretence I actually want to go inside decide whether to take them or not I don’t want to look inexperienced feel silly in front of her. So she watches me as I leave her eyes are heavy hot I pretend to pop one after another into my mouth but as I get indoors I have only put one in my mouth I feel it crumbling on my tongue. I split it in half and I am worried about what it will do to me I remove the half even the broken little remnants and I put these and the other two into my shallow pocket and open myself up to the house heading to the back where I know the toilets are.

The house has a bar people scattered around it what seems like beds throw rugs large pillows textures everywhere. I round a corner to find a hallway of cubicle showers with brightly coloured patterned curtains and people getting in and out of the showers a girl in a thick white towel drawn back dark hair reaching for her toiletry bag. I now know that this is a backpackers hostel. There is music playing as I pass the showers I walk into a small two-stall bathroom with quite a few people there are always people everywhere so many of them streaking this way and that. I stand to wait as an old university classmate pushes past me her face smeared with drunkenness or worse she does not notice me I say hello she says hello! and immediately accuses me of pilfering something of hers in a project I had done but she stops herself I am in a good mood and normally she would frustrate me but I say no continue. She goes on to accuse me of taking a photo of weaponry – the photo flashes in my mind a close-up metal-grey image of densely clustered bulbous-ended grenade launchers – when she had already seen a documentary about weaponry aaaand – she knows she is being silly now but she’s not stopping I’m just smiling amused – we went to some [blank] together so it was half hers. I nod smile half-heartedly explain that it’s not really stealing but by then I’ve shaken my head I don’t care the stall is open so I go inside. I fiddle with the wire latch I turn around to look down upon the cubicle’s square floor of half bricks and half sand with a small puddle of urine having buried itself into the sand. There is the wooden door I have just closed a concrete wall to my left tin roofing to my right to my front the back end of the cubicle is just chicken-wire fencing with a patterned light blue scarf draped over it to the left drifting slowly again so slowly in the wind and I look right through the chicken-wire out onto the yard to see a group of people not far from the bathroom. I wonder if I want to expose myself to everyone I decide no then realise I have no urge to pee anyway that is lucky and great I unlatch and leave the stall.

Now I am feeling a bit strange I run into Kyle he’s happy happy happy I say woah Kyle I feel pretty weird hey he smiles large asks what’s going on I’m like I dunno I feel all weird dizzyish things are smearing in front of my eyes it’s difficult to focus but I’m smiling laughing the whole time Kyle says well if you don’t give me more information I don’t know what to doooo in a sing-song voice I whisper conspiratorially I took a piiiilllll he laughs I leave him he goes into the stall. I float back amongst the showers to a little area where Sradha is she looks consternated she expresses hope that she will be able to stay here that they won’t make her leave I laugh say but you wouldn’t want to stay at a backpackers forever but it seems she does indeed want to stay at a backpackers forever I am shocked and bemused. The owner of the hostel is there an older man with thick dark hair with a few wiry grey strands arranged in a women’s bob I immediately distrust him slightly it is just because he is not natural but I am friendly. He chats to us asks if we are going with all the people outside when they leave they are going to Wolves and I am shocked Wolves is so far away why would they go there to see a band?? but maybe I will go because I think upon the girl. I sit on a couch while the conversation goes nowhere the owner stares at us tries to keep it going I smile nod I dig in my bag and notice I am wearing an old sweater of mine from when I was a child with Mickey Mouse’s face printed all over it it’s tapered black at the wrists and I love it I love it so much and to wear it makes me happy.

I walk back outside happy there is and always has been a happy mist over me I dissolve into it. Now there really are people everywhere and everyone is partying stumbling the girl is next to me with other people but she is slightly different heavier in the hips squarer in the face I still want to be with her though just next to her and surprise Garth from primary school is walking towards me drunk holding champagne I gladly accept take a swig I notice it is non-alcoholic sparkling wine in a green bottle with a cheap white label I think it strange strange indeed and then surprise Ross from high school motors past me making a brrrr-brrr noise with his mouth he impresses a tiny acorn into my left arm near the elbow leaving an imprint a dappled imprint and a feeling that I rub at after he has passed. I am on my way to a picnic table where Trevor and Donovan from high school are sitting I sit down and they are speaking to my girl Trevor is coaxing her she is making a joke pretending to give a blow job gesturing the movements with her hand tonguing the inside of her mouth Donovan is drunk on wine hanging onto the bottle his eyes droopy his smile loose he is laughing laughing laughing she carries on and on I am smiling I can feel my face but it is confusedly she looks completely different I wake up.

These events occurred between 6:45am and 7:30am.